Psychology

Why do some people always seem to need to run other peoples' lives? Why do they prefer to judge, evaluate and tell others how to deal with the struggles of life rather than getting to know themselves? And how can they close the book on other peoples' lives and start to author the book of thier own?

How do you deal with those at work or at home, who you feel have "wronged" you, treated you unfairly, or damaged your spirit? Do you seek revenge? Do you lash out? Are you an "eye for an eye" type? Or are you forgiving, compassionate and understanding?

Are you curious? When was the last time you re-invented your business, your relationship, yourself? How do you feel about the notion of re-inventing? Exhilarated? Or is your life so mechanical that there is no room for curiosity or inquisitiveness?

Many New Year's resolutions are not conscious choices. They are knee-jerk reactions to something we don't like about ourselves – and it's usually about our "packaging" or some surface issue. Creating true resolve requires a deep, inner and conscious process.

This month, Peter Vajda offers some advice about the difference between being likable and needing to be liked, and what that means in the workplace. As he explains, almost everyone wants to be liked. But you can't build a career solely around being liked.

What are the issues you're facing in your life? Are they the same issues you faced last year, or the year before that, or even earlier? If they are, you're carrying a dead horse on your shoulders. And that's a very tiring, debilitating and self-sabotaging burden to bear.

People often tell me their dreams, but then follow it up by saying that what they currently have is good enough. I understand the need to be content with what one has, but the danger in hanging on to the good is that we rarely reach for our bigger dreams.

More and more of us are suffering from neophilia – the obsessive desire to experience whatever is NEW, be it gadgets, cars or even the latest management fad. Symptoms include confusing appearance with substance, the external with the internal and net worth with self-worth.

New research suggests that creative people more likely to cheat than their less creative colleagues because their talent increases their ability to rationalise their actions.

When you ask someone how they are or how things are going, do ever actually stop and listen to their response? Do you really care how they are? Do you think about how you meet and greet others Or are you just asking so that you can tick some box?

If you experience something everybody knows cannot happen, you must be crazy. But if you do not tell anyone and forget about it yourself, you will be just fine. But cracks in our reality do happen - uncanny events, something for which you have no conditioned categories for explanation.

We seem to be inundated with information about change and why it is so difficult to achieve, even when our brains are supposed to be "plastic". So why is it so challenging to make lasting changes? Here's one perspective. See how it works for you.

Mistrust is a fact of life in many workplaces. But mistrust is brought to the workplace - it doesn't originate there. Mistrust in the workplace is a consequence, often unintended, of perceiving others through the lens of the child they once were.

Having an unrelentingly positive view of life is all very well, but a new study suggests that it can also bring about unrealistic expectations that lead to frustration and unhappiness if they are not met.

Violence – be it in the workplace or elsewhere - is about one issue, and one issue only: power. And only when we understand this and understand the disconnection that leads up to violence can we start to learn how to cope with situations without resorting to violent behaviour.

The foundations of good character are honesty, integrity and courage – even when no one is watching. Once we become dishonest, even when no one is watching, the toothpaste is out of the tube, and mistrust, lying and deception will start to define who we are.

Rudeness is infectious, a new study has found. In fact, the stress created by rudeness at work can be so intense that it is taken home by the worker, impacting the well-being of the their family and partner who in turn "export" the stress to their own workplaces.

When two people spend an inordinate amount of time pursuing their careers, is there also time to pursue their relationship? The answer, of course, is "it depends". Here are some signs that a dual-professional relationship might be in trouble – and some ideas about how to fix it.

It's not uncommon for professional couples to find themselves in gridlock. The demands and stress of work are exacerbated by differences about life at home, particularly when you have dreams that are not heard or respected by your partner. Resolving this requires dialogue and understanding.

When we look at the world, how much of what we see is real and how much is created by tour interpretation of what we're seeing? The answer to this question can help us understand why we experience so much conflict in dealing ourselves and with others, be it at work or at home.

Even the largest corporations can fall victim to rumors. But how does something that starts out as a rumor become taken as a fact, even if it is completely untrue? A new study sheds light on how the rumor-mill works – and how to put a stop to it.

If you follow the pack are you more likely to co-operate with others in it? The answer, it seems, is 'no'. Contrary to what you might expect, non-conformists are more likely to be team players, new research has found.

When men are out of balance and disconnected to their personal power they resort to aggression and violence. When women are out of touch with their personal power, they resort to control and manipulation - which is exactly what Gareth's boss is doing. So how can he deal with her?

In a workplace where employees are self-aware, conflict can be minimal and constructive. But if the majority of employees are not self-aware, conflict can be insidious, toxic, all-pervasive and destructive. In fcat, a workplace will only "work" when people are in alignment with one another.

We all know the feeling. You're in the middle of a conversation when all of a sudden, it goes south. Someone hit a raw nerve. But why? What's going on here - and what can we do about it?

They have all the social skills required to create professional relationships, so why do so many high-profile figures in politics, business, sports, arts and entertainment fall from grace as the result of personal relationship issues?

Narcissism is becoming an epidemic in the United States. So just how do you manage a workplace in which many individuals have an unrealistic view of their own abilities and believe they are entitled to special treatment?

We hear a lot about change, be it at a personal or organizational level. But as Peter Vajda discusses, the reason change so often fails to take place is that change means being willing to allow old ideas and beliefs to die. You cannot change and still be the same.

Our society seems to have become inundated by folks who are dishonest and untrustworthy. So how is it that some people routinely behave in ways that are unethical, immoral and lacking integrity and yet never experience any guilt?

Transparency ought to be so simple. But if transparency is a behavior in high demand, why are so many people unable or unwilling to behave transparently – at work or in their relationships?

A new study of customer service representatives has found that their mood when they start their work day has a significant effect on their perceptions of customers, how much work they do and how well they do it.

Ellen is enjoying her new job – or at least she was until she refused to go out for a drink with her manager. Now his behaviour has become angry and aggressive and is causing her real concern. Peter Vajda suggests an approach to defuse the situation without "going nuclear".

In the current economy, it seems obvious that having a job - any job - is better than having no job at all. But as far as your mental and psychological well-being is concerned, that isn't necessarily true.

Technology has brought us wonderful tools for exchanging information. But for most of us, the problem is that our technological tools now manage us. Worse, they are alo undermining the way our brains function.

Anger may be a natural human emotion, but displaying anger in the workplace is walking on thin ice - especially if the anger is directed toward a person instead of a situation.

Almost all new year resolutions are about change. But change is challenging and demands you face some tough truths. Without this, you will never start your journey towards meaningful transformation. So if you make only one resolution for 2011, consider this. Tell the truth - to yourself.

According to research written up on the British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog, making learning materials more difficult to read can actually improve students' performance.

Receiving an unexpected holiday bonus can put a smile on anyone's face - especially in the current climate. But why do some employees choose to spend their bonus immediately while others save this money for the future?

If you ever wondered what makes your boss tick, new research being carried out at the University of Reading in the UK could provide the answer.

This week many of us are gathering with friends and family to celebrate Thanksgiving. And although many of us are struggling both emotionally and financially, we need to remember that there are some very good reasons to be thankful about life, regardless of what our personal circumstances may be.

Emotionally intelligent people make better workers. That's according to a comprehensive review of published research in the field of emotional intelligence carried out by US academics.

It's no use trying to emulate somebody else's idea of success. Being successful requires a conscious exploration of what success means to you. It's far more than just achieving results.

At home or at work, the path to happiness is paved with commitment. No commitment, no happiness. That's why those who consistently say they are unhappy at work, at home, or in their relationships are so often lacking commitment.

All of us are guilty to a lesser or greater extent of putting things off until tomorrow (or the day after that). But since procrastination seems to be part of human nature, what can we do to minimise its effects?

If you've long suspected that those who make it to the top of organizations are not necessarily those with the most talent or ability, new research suggests that your suspicions could well be correct.

The reality of life is that life comes with problems. The two come as a package deal. And the secret to dealing with them rather than being overwhelmed by them is all about our perspective and the way we chose to approach them.

Do you think your boss is a good manager of people? More importantly, does your boss think he or she is a good manager of people? The gulf between the two answers turns out to be considerable.

For many of us, stress is a wrapper surrounding our lives. Surrounded by crisis and conflict, it is all too easy to be knocked off course. But it doesn't have to be this way. In difficult times, probably the most important quality we can cultivate is equanimity - the evenness of mind under stress.

In Western culture, the sarcastic, demeaning put-down has become part of the fabric of everyday conversation. More and more people seem to view such behavior as no big deal. Well if that's your attitude, I've got news for you. It does matter and it isn't acceptable - at home, at work or anywhere else.

From time to time I receive feedback about my pieces. This is usually in response to the piece itself, but not always. Sometimes, it is the list of "questions for self-reflection" following the piece that attracts comment. And it is these I find most interesting - and most welcome.

What what effect do narcissistic leaders have on an organisation? Do they have any positive attributes, or do they always do more harm than good?

Quixotic, inconsistent, obstructive and harassing, Nathan's boss seems to be out of control. And as Charles Helliwell explains, dealing with him will require making some tough decisions.

This time, I want to talk about BMWs. No, not BMW as in the car. BMW as in Bitching, Moaning and Whining. Because while the car might make you feel good about yourself, spending time with human BMW-ers won't do you any good at all.

Individuals who are unable to defuse their emotions and lose their tempers in the workplace are less likely to emerge as successful business leaders, Australian researchers have claimed.

It's not a fact of life that a "problem" means defeat. That's a connection you're choosing to make. Like beauty, a problem is in the eye of the beholder. There's no need to tack towards the negative as soon as a problem presents itself. In fact in many cases, a problem can be a blessing in disguise.

The anger, mistrust, and intolerance which infect our culture can't be reduced by cognitive understanding. We can't just "think" ourselves into empathising with those who push our buttons. Because empathy is not a matter of cognition, it's a matter of heart.

A vast segment of our population spends their lives doing things that they hate to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress folks they don't like. All in the vain attempt to experience happiness. Is that you?

Simon has a new job managing a small team. Everyone is on board except one very employee who is rude, disrespectful and seems determined to cause problems. Workplace psychologist Dr Rob Yeung has some timely advice to turn the situation around.

This year, as every year, 98 per cent of those who make New Year's resolutions will have given up or failed by Valentine's Day. One of the main reasons for this is that we're stuck in a victim mentality that blinds us to the reasons why we resist change and fail to follow through on our intentions.

Fifty years ago, the workplace was full of similar people with similar values and ways of doing things. Not any more. Modern organizations are full of people from different backgrounds with different sets of unwritten rules. And these rules lie at the heart of many workplace conflicts.