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Between a rock and a hard place
When one manager tells you one thing and another says precisely the opposite, what can you do? In this month's advice clinic, Peter Vajda suggests a course of action for someone caught in the middle of just such a situation. How to keep from living a life of insanity
Many people exhibit 'presenteeism' in just about every aspect of their life, choosing to live with the hand they have been dealt rather than being proactive about changing their life or lifestyle. But next week and the week after that need not be carbon copies of this week or last week. Wisdom vs intelligence
Many business leaders are intelligent. But they're not wise, or even aware that they lack wisdom. And that's something that no amount of left-brain thinking, "operations-focused" education or experiential learning is going to change. Collusion, culture and bad management
Does your workplace have a culture of collusion? Are you happy to turn a blind eye to the misdeeds to ensure a quiet life? If so, beware. Collusion is a progressive drug. We need to lie and collude more and more to maintain that false feeling of emotional safety Filling the void
Does your organization encourage open and honest communication? Does it empower individuals to engage in healthy conversation? Because healthy communication begets healthy relationships - and healthy relationships beget a healthy organization. Author, heal thyself
Why do some people always seem to need to run other peoples' lives? Why do they prefer to judge, evaluate and tell others how to deal with the struggles of life rather than getting to know themselves? And how can they close the book on other peoples' lives and start to author the book of thier own?
Revenge and compassion
How do you deal with those at work or at home, who you feel have "wronged" you, treated you unfairly, or damaged your spirit? Do you seek revenge? Do you lash out? Are you an "eye for an eye" type? Or are you forgiving, compassionate and understanding? Being curious about curiosity
Are you curious? When was the last time you re-invented your business, your relationship, yourself? How do you feel about the notion of re-inventing? Exhilarated? Or is your life so mechanical that there is no room for curiosity or inquisitiveness? Real resolve for 2012
Many New Year's resolutions are not conscious choices. They are knee-jerk reactions to something we don't like about ourselves – and it's usually about our "packaging" or some surface issue. Creating true resolve requires a deep, inner and conscious process. Help me to move on
This month, Peter Vajda offers some advice about the difference between being likable and needing to be liked, and what that means in the workplace. As he explains, almost everyone wants to be liked. But you can't build a career solely around being liked. When the horse dies, it's time to get off
What are the issues you're facing in your life? Are they the same issues you faced last year, or the year before that, or even earlier? If they are, you're carrying a dead horse on your shoulders. And that's a very tiring, debilitating and self-sabotaging burden to bear. The latest and greatest
More and more of us are suffering from neophilia – the obsessive desire to experience whatever is NEW, be it gadgets, cars or even the latest management fad. Symptoms include confusing appearance with substance, the external with the internal and net worth with self-worth. The space between people
When you ask someone how they are or how things are going, do ever actually stop and listen to their response? Do you really care how they are? Do you think about how you meet and greet others Or are you just asking so that you can tick some box? Cultural conditioning: giving up your truth
If you experience something everybody knows cannot happen, you must be crazy. But if you do not tell anyone and forget about it yourself, you will be just fine. But cracks in our reality do happen - uncanny events, something for which you have no conditioned categories for explanation. Sandpaper: the secret tool of change
We seem to be inundated with information about change and why it is so difficult to achieve, even when our brains are supposed to be "plastic". So why is it so challenging to make lasting changes? Here's one perspective. See how it works for you. The voices of fear, doubt and mistrust
Mistrust is a fact of life in many workplaces. But mistrust is brought to the workplace - it doesn't originate there. Mistrust in the workplace is a consequence, often unintended, of perceiving others through the lens of the child they once were. Violence: when we lose touch with our soul
Violence – be it in the workplace or elsewhere - is about one issue, and one issue only: power. And only when we understand this and understand the disconnection that leads up to violence can we start to learn how to cope with situations without resorting to violent behaviour.
Character. Have you got it?
The foundations of good character are honesty, integrity and courage – even when no one is watching. Once we become dishonest, even when no one is watching, the toothpaste is out of the tube, and mistrust, lying and deception will start to define who we are. Whatever you do, do it well
"Age quod agis" is a Latin phrase we were taught in elementary school. In essence it means "whatever you do, do it well" - do it with your whole self, not only from the neck up. So what does this imply in today's context? Making a two-professional relationship work
When two people spend an inordinate amount of time pursuing their careers, is there also time to pursue their relationship? The answer, of course, is "it depends". Here are some signs that a dual-professional relationship might be in trouble – and some ideas about how to fix it. Dreams and gridlock: the two-professional couple
It's not uncommon for professional couples to find themselves in gridlock. The demands and stress of work are exacerbated by differences about life at home, particularly when you have dreams that are not heard or respected by your partner. Resolving this requires dialogue and understanding. How real is your reality?
When we look at the world, how much of what we see is real and how much is created by tour interpretation of what we're seeing? The answer to this question can help us understand why we experience so much conflict in dealing ourselves and with others, be it at work or at home. Self-awareness and conflict
In a workplace where employees are self-aware, conflict can be minimal and constructive. But if the majority of employees are not self-aware, conflict can be insidious, toxic, all-pervasive and destructive. In fcat, a workplace will only "work" when people are in alignment with one another. When someone hits a raw nerve
We all know the feeling. You're in the middle of a conversation when all of a sudden, it goes south. Someone hit a raw nerve. But why? What's going on here - and what can we do about it? Professional relationships - what's missing?
They have all the social skills required to create professional relationships, so why do so many high-profile figures in politics, business, sports, arts and entertainment fall from grace as the result of personal relationship issues? Vacation? What vacation?
The dividing line between work and leisure is becoming more blurred than ever – and most of those who do go away on vacation will remain electronically tethered to their work. But as Peter Vajda reminds us, that's not a spiritually, emotionally, physically or psychologically healthy place to be. The truth about change
We hear a lot about change, be it at a personal or organizational level. But as Peter Vajda discusses, the reason change so often fails to take place is that change means being willing to allow old ideas and beliefs to die. You cannot change and still be the same. Behaving badly
Our society seems to have become inundated by folks who are dishonest and untrustworthy. So how is it that some people routinely behave in ways that are unethical, immoral and lacking integrity and yet never experience any guilt? Transparency: - easier said than done
Transparency ought to be so simple. But if transparency is a behavior in high demand, why are so many people unable or unwilling to behave transparently – at work or in their relationships? Compared to whom?
What is it about work that leads so many to be so dissatisfied? It's easy to blame external factors - "it," "him," "her" or "them" – but the real reason lies far closer to home. It's about the inner person, not about the externals. How can I fix this relationship?
Ellen is enjoying her new job – or at least she was until she refused to go out for a drink with her manager. Now his behaviour has become angry and aggressive and is causing her real concern. Peter Vajda suggests an approach to defuse the situation without "going nuclear". Work, play or misery?
In the current economy, it seems obvious that having a job - any job - is better than having no job at all. But as far as your mental and psychological well-being is concerned, that isn't necessarily true. People do what people see
Even in the throes of change, chaos and uncertainty, there is one element of your working life over which you have complete control. That element is your integrity. It is also the single most important factor in leading or managing by example. What gets in the way?
So, you're having a conversation. Everything starts off well. But all of a sudden, the conversation derails, beset by misunderstandings and conflict. Why does that happen? Here are some classic reasons for mis-communication.
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