Harmony or dis-harmony?

Dec 28 2012 by Peter Vajda Print This Article

You compose the music of your own life. When you experience upset of one kind or another, it's usually because you're out of harmony with yourself. When you experience difficulty in your relationships at work or at home, it's most often because your music and the notes of your life are not on the same page.

What is harmony?
Harmony is an alignment or congruence among four elements: what you say, what you think, what you feel and what you do. When there is harmony, alignment, and congruence between your thoughts, feelings, actions and words you experience an inner and outer sense of peace, called harmony.

Are you in harmony?
Consider the following life areas and reflect on whether you feel in, or out of, harmony with each. Is the way you feel about, the way you think about, the way you act around (or about) and the way you speak about each of the following in alignment, congruent, harmonious?

  • Your finances
  • Your career and livelihood
  • Your relationships at work
  • Your (love) partnership and intimacy
  • Your personal environment and organization
  • Your personal, professional and spiritual development
  • Your health and wellness
  • Your family and friends
  • Your play and recreation
When you're not in harmony
Are there disconnects in the way you think, feel, speak about or act with respect to any of these life areas? For example, do you feel one way or think one way about money and yet treat money, or relate to money, in a way that is counter to the way you think and feel? Is your behavior towards your co-workers in sync with the way you talk about them to others, or think about them? And your relationship with your partner? Does harmony flow through your relationship? What's your music like? Are the notes off? Do you experience harmony or disharmony?

In my coaching work, I find that the people who are the most distressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, bored, lost and confused are those whose music is out of tune, whose life is full of bad notes, whose music and notes are not on the same page.

Further, when you're not in harmony with others, it's because you're not in harmony with yourself. When you are in harmony with yourself, you are often in harmony with others both at work and at home.

When you feel "out of sorts," "foggy," frustrated, lost or confused, it's most often because you are experiencing a disequilibrium among your mind, body and spirit, or head, heart and soul between what you are thinking, feeling, saying or doing. Disharmony and decision-making
The downside of this state of disequilibrium is that you often make unwise and unhealthy life, work and relationship choices. In disharmony, you keep sending yourself mixed messages and it's no wonder you live in a state of confusion and self-doubt.

Think perhaps of some decisions you made recently that turned out to be self-defeating or not so healthy. Consider, were you in alignment in what you were thinking, feeling and saying as you made the decisions or did you experience a sense of internal conflict? Did you make that decision from a place of harmony? If not, where were you conflicted? And why? What wasn't working?


  • What thoughts and beliefs do you engage in that create disharmony in your life?
  • Do you often feel one way, or think one way and then act in another way? Do you know why?
  • Do you often lie to yourself? About what? And why? What does the lying get you?
  • Is the music of your life harmonious ?
  • Does disharmony in your life cause conflict with others?
  • Do you express harmony through qualities such as respect, tolerance, understanding, empathy and compassion?
  • How do you promote harmony in your relationship to yourself? Do you "walk your harmony talk"?
  • What do you say, how are you acting, how are you thinking and how are you feeling, when you're in a state of disharmony?
  • Do you tend to blame others for your disharmony?
  • What are your top 10 values? Are you living these values on a consistent basis? If not, what's in the way?
  • What one or two baby steps could you take today, this week to move in the direction of experiencing greater harmony in your life?

When you are in harmony
When you are in harmony with yourself, when your thoughts, words, deeds and feelings are in sync, you have no need to look outside to blame, find fault, nit-pick, criticize and judge harshly. When you are in harmony with yourself, you can overlook the faults, the peccadillos, the imperfections and the "dings" in others.

When you are in harmony with yourself, you sing, internally and externally, the notes of gentleness, mildness, respect, humility, modesty, tolerance and forgiveness. When you approach life and living from a place of harmony, you experiences the qualities of true and real courage, strength, wisdom, will, confidence, motivation, self-discipline, inner peace and love, compassion and what is known as right knowing, right action and right understanding qualities that are not available when you are in a state of disharmony.

Harmony supports you to act from a place of authenticity and integrity; there is no fakeness or phoniness, no self-deception. Harmony allows you to be at peace within your own skin.

No one can compose your music
You compose the music of your own life. The goal is to consciously hear and understand where there is discord. And then act to take steps to eliminate or reduce the discord in the melody of your life. What notes do you need to change or discard? The one way to achieve harmony is to begin with your values. What are your values? What's really, really important to you? And, are you living your values?

I wish you much harmony in 2013.

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About The Author

Peter Vajda
Peter Vajda

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a seminar leader, workshop facilitator and speaker. He is the founding partner of True North Partnering, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching, counselling and facilitating.