Dear Management-Issues...
I'm finding life a real struggle at the moment. Frankly, it's hard to get through the working day. I'm having difficulty concentrating, feeling unmotivated, don't want to talk to anyone. A while back I started viewing pornography on and off. It made me feel better, but over time the urge has become stronger and stronger. At first it was just at home, but finally it crept into my working life.
One afternoon last week, when the office was quiet and I was feeling low, I ended up watching some porn on my laptop. I honestly thought no one could see the screen. But clearly someone did - a colleague has reported it to HR. I've now been asked to attend a formal meeting to "discuss a conduct issue." I feel humiliated and sick with anxiety.
Like I said, I've been into porn for some time, but didn't really think it was much of a problem. This is a real wake-up call. I'm dreading the meeting. Do I open up and admit I'm struggling or will that make it worse? I'm worried about losing my job. Can you help?
Anonymous, Philadelphia
Anya Clitheroe's Answer:
First and foremost, recognising that your behaviour signals something deeper is a brave and important step. Porn addiction is a real and growing challenge, and acknowledging it is essential. However, when you walk into the HR meeting, remember: this discussion is about conduct, not psychology. You don't need to explain why you fell into this pattern - that's a matter for a qualified counsellor, not your employer.
What does belong in the meeting is a clear, calm acknowledgement that you crossed a serious professional line. If you've already reached out for help, whether through counselling, support groups, or an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), make sure to mention it. If not, say that this incident has prompted you to seek professional guidance and ask about resources the company may offer. Demonstrating proactive responsibility and willingness to change can really go a long way.
You should also be prepared for the wider impacts. Viewing porn at work isn't just a policy breach - it damages trust, disrupts workplace culture, and potentially makes colleagues uncomfortable or even creates a hostile environment. That's why it may be classified under Gross Misconduct. You may well face serious disciplinary action, and if you remain in the company, repairing fractured relationships may well take time.
Finally, you're likely feeling isolated and ashamed, but here's a perspective it may help to hear: you are not the only one. A recent survey found that around 60% of employees have admitted to watching adult content at work. In fact, this is a growing issue.
Addiction and compulsive behaviours are usually coping mechanisms for repressed trauma and other personal problems. By taking responsibility and asking for support, this can become a moment of transformation and change for you both professionally and personally.
