Even in the throes of change, chaos and uncertainty, there is one element of your working life over which you have complete control. That element is your integrity. It is also the single most important factor in leading or managing by example.

So, you're having a conversation. Everything starts off well. But all of a sudden, the conversation derails, beset by misunderstandings and conflict. Why does that happen? Here are some classic reasons for mis-communication.

Almost all new year resolutions are about change. But change is challenging and demands you face some tough truths. Without this, you will never start your journey towards meaningful transformation. So if you make only one resolution for 2011, consider this. Tell the truth - to yourself.

Do you want to experience 2011 in a different, less stressful way than 2010? It's a sad fact that far more of us fantasize about inner peace than actually get to experience it. Most of us seem to live our lives caught up in conflict, agitation, upset or stress. But it doesn't have to be that way.

This week many of us are gathering with friends and family to celebrate Thanksgiving. And although many of us are struggling both emotionally and financially, we need to remember that there are some very good reasons to be thankful about life, regardless of what our personal circumstances may be.

It's no use trying to emulate somebody else's idea of success. Being successful requires a conscious exploration of what success means to you. It's far more than just achieving results.

At home or at work, the path to happiness is paved with commitment. No commitment, no happiness. That's why those who consistently say they are unhappy at work, at home, or in their relationships are so often lacking commitment.

The reality of life is that life comes with problems. The two come as a package deal. And the secret to dealing with them rather than being overwhelmed by them is all about our perspective and the way we chose to approach them.

For many of us, stress is a wrapper surrounding our lives. Surrounded by crisis and conflict, it is all too easy to be knocked off course. But it doesn't have to be this way. In difficult times, probably the most important quality we can cultivate is equanimity - the evenness of mind under stress.

In Western culture, the sarcastic, demeaning put-down has become part of the fabric of everyday conversation. More and more people seem to view such behavior as no big deal. Well if that's your attitude, I've got news for you. It does matter and it isn't acceptable - at home, at work or anywhere else.

Today's workplaces are full of growing numbers of disengaged, unproductive, underperforming, exhausted, unhappy, depressed and electronically-addicted employees. Blurring work and vacation is one reason for this. Taking time for one's self is a non-negotiable "must" to maintain a healthy mind, body and spirit.

From time to time I receive feedback about my pieces. This is usually in response to the piece itself, but not always. Sometimes, it is the list of "questions for self-reflection" following the piece that attracts comment. And it is these I find most interesting - and most welcome.

This time, I want to talk about BMWs. No, not BMW as in the car. BMW as in Bitching, Moaning and Whining. Because while the car might make you feel good about yourself, spending time with human BMW-ers won't do you any good at all.

It's not a fact of life that a "problem" means defeat. That's a connection you're choosing to make. Like beauty, a problem is in the eye of the beholder. There's no need to tack towards the negative as soon as a problem presents itself. In fact in many cases, a problem can be a blessing in disguise.

The anger, mistrust, and intolerance which infect our culture can't be reduced by cognitive understanding. We can't just "think" ourselves into empathising with those who push our buttons. Because empathy is not a matter of cognition, it's a matter of heart.

A vast segment of our population spends their lives doing things that they hate to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress folks they don't like. All in the vain attempt to experience happiness. Is that you?

This year, as every year, 98 per cent of those who make New Year's resolutions will have given up or failed by Valentine's Day. One of the main reasons for this is that we're stuck in a victim mentality that blinds us to the reasons why we resist change and fail to follow through on our intentions.

For many people, the holiday season is a mental, physical and emotional ordeal, not a time of joy and happiness. So I'd like to share some perspectives to support you to create a nurturing holiday experience resulting in peace in body, mind, and spirit.

I'm often asked what I mean when I refer to 'spirituality' or 'soul' in the context of life at work, at home or in a relationship. So let me explain what it is and why it matters.

The New Oxford American Dictionary has announced that its 2009 Word of the Year is "unfriend", as in to remove someone as a 'friend' on a social networking site. But what about the deeper emotional experience of "unfriending" and what does it tell us about online friendships?

In the midst of the upheaval that seems all around us, it's not surprising that so many of us feel a sense of anxiety and hopelessness. But these challenges also have much to teach us about ourselves – if we choose to stop, explore and ask for the teaching.

One of the major causes of disconnects and friction between individuals is our tendency to not only make observations about their behavior, but to use these as the basis make snap judgments about their character.

We seem to be moving towards a society in which people skills are unnecessary, where verbal violence is acceptable and fewer and fewer care about civility, decorum or respect. But why? And what can we do about it?

One way we measure success and greatness is by assessing our failures – or rather, what we learn through these failures. That's why perfectionism is an illusion - because failure a the catalyst that fosters improvement, growth and greatness.

If the brain is as plastic as science suggests why is permanent change such a difficult thing to achieve? Peter Vajda believes the answer might lie in a bowling alley.

There's no question that managing millennials – Generation Y - is a hot topic. Many of my generation view Gen Y as a different species, a pain in the neck or just plain subversive. But I've never come to any of these conclusions. Why? Because I just manage them as I do any other employee.

Competencies, skills, talent, intellect, technical expertise and drive define many of today's leaders. But that's not enough. What about empathy? What about emotional connection?

"Weisure" is a term coined by sociologists to describe the blurring the line between work and leisure. What a con! Taking real time out from work a non-negotiable necessity if we're to to maintain a healthy mind, body and soul.

We live in angry times. While the stimulus for our anger may be external, the source is always within. Understanding why we feel anger - and that anger is an energy - makes it far easier to deal with.

Change is all around us. Past assumptions about how our workplaces function are outdated. Transformation is necessary. But many business leaders are either waiting for external forces to create change or simply reinforcing what isn't working.

For millions, the current crisis will be a life-changing experience. And so two important questions need answers spring to mind: "how will this change my life" and "how will I choose to face this journey?"

Many of us spend enormous amounts of time and energy trying to convince ourselves that we are big fish in small ponds or even bigger fish in larger ponds. Maybe it's time we tried a different pond.

The message I took away from the Super Bowl ads this year is a depressing one. They told me that disrespect, abuse, deceit and cheating are funny, "business as usual", and that's just the way it is in our world.

With the economy in turmoil, folks losing their jobs, bankruptcies on the increase and so many struggling to "be somebody", it's no surprise that a many people are caught up in a spiral of envy.

Most of us respond to betrayal by becoming non-trusting. We'd like to trust others, but we just can't bring ourselves to do so. But we can respond to matters of betrayal in another, far more positive way.

Many people claim to have huge online networks thanks to their non-stop communicating with others on MySpace or Facebook. But they don't have many – or even any – real friends. So what's the difference between connecting online and real friendship?

Most of us seem consistently to feel the need to be right – and not only to be right, but to prove the other person wrong. But why? And what might happen if you let go of this need to always be right?

Worrying is a self-perpetuating process. Worrying only produces more worry, more fear. It solves nothing. But worrying and being fearful is a choice. Releasing fear and worry is also a choice – and action absorbs anxiety.

What shouts out at me about the current financial crisis is an issue deeper than economics. It is the systemic breakdown in relationships and erosion of trust, one caused in large part by the fact that we're becoming more and more disconnected from each other.

Whether we're aware of it or not, our deeper voices of wisdom and intuition are continually sending us messages. The question is whether or not we are listening. And that depends on our level of conscious awareness.

As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "an event is neither good nor bad; only thinking makes it so." Everything that irritates us about inanimate objects can lead us to an understanding of ourselves – because nothing can make us feel what we don't want to feel.

It isn't just the the sheer number of unnecessary meetings that drives us crazy, but the endless talk and sharing of thoughts that seems to last forever and lead nowhere.

Betrayal and mistrust are rampant in the corporate world of today – which given the behaviour of our political leaders is hardly surprising. But it's not because our leaders are arrogant, greedy or contemptuous of others. It's because they're just not conscious of the effect their behavior has on the world around them.

You may think you're a good listener, but how often do you really listen before reacting? How long does it take until you jump in with a quick solution or retort?

If there's someone at work who consistently irritates you or gets under your skin, know this: you are almost certainly part of your problem. Because when any two people interact, the influences flow in both directions.

There's much discussion these days about passion and purpose in the workplace – and also much confusion. The important thing is the end towards which passion is directed. Because passion isn't always a good thing and it needs purpose to complete the equation.

Having the right qualifications or credentials doesn't make you a "somebody". In fact it's far better to consciously choose to be a "nobody", to be who you are without the need to back it up with some proof of expertise.

The challenge for many of us at work is simply this: how to be a business person and a human being at the same time. How to compete yet cooperate, be hard-nosed yet ethical, be professional yet personal, make a profit yet not be greedy. You get the picture.

It's a fact of life that much of our behavior is based on how we were raised. So like it or not, we all bring elements of our lives with us when we go to work - and that includes our family relationships.

One unfortunate side effect of our busy working lives that it is easy to lose sight of workplace relationships. As a result, we forget that our personal and professional success depends as much on the quality of these relationships as it does on how effectively we perform our tasks.

In Western culture, the sarcastic put-down has become an art form. It's part of the fabric of everyday conversation, not least in the workplace. But ask yourself this. What does sarcasm get you? And if sarcasm were not part of your personality, what would you be losing?

On 30th Street in Boulder, Colorado, there is a sculpture of a man chiseling himself out of a block of stone. But what about your sculpture? Is it the same today as it was last week, last month, last year, a decade ago? Or have you stopped chiseling?

Burnout is a slow burn – a process, not an event. That's why it can be so difficult to acknowledge that it is affecting you. But when people are viewed simply as functions, burnout can be built into the very structure of an organization.

Your life, even your life at work, is like a piece of music. Any passer-by or co-worker can quickly gauge whether you're in harmony or not ­ even if you aren't sure yourself.

It's all too easy to judge others' negative behaviour. But other people's circumstances and life context can and does affect their behavior, which means not assuming you always know the motives for their actions.

The way your organization handles conflict can either be an experience of aliveness, vitality and camaraderie, or one of toxicity, resentment and disrespect. But if we really want to reduce conflict, we need to encourage employees to be more self-aware.

With the business sections of today's papers and magazines reading more and more like a police charge-sheet, "integrity" is fast becoming a hot topic of conversation in boardrooms and around water coolers.

Most employees enjoy a honeymoon period when they are involved and engaged with their new job. Then the thrill begins to evaporate and the rot sets in. But how can you stop employees disengaging and keep the honeymoon aura alive?

For most of us, the idea of "workplace violence" conjures up images of physical harm. But there is another form of workplace violence that is just as dangerous and insidious - and that is gossip.