Whose success is it anyway?

If you're looking for a definition of success and ask Google for help, you'll get about 46,500,000 hits. "Success in life?" 323,000,000. No wonder we so confused, and often frustrated, by what constitutes success.

Many people also love success quotes. Google has 266,000 hits for you. Here are a few:

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." [Bob Dylan]

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather to become a man of value. He is considered successful in our day who gets more out of life than he puts in. But a man of value will give more than he receives." [Albert Einstein]

"Just as the tumultuous chaos of a thunderstorm brings a nurturing rain that allows life to flourish, so too in human affairs times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder. Success comes to those who can weather the storm." [I Ching No. 3]

"The successful man is the average man, focused." [Anonymous]

"Getting what you go after is success; but liking it while you are getting it is happiness." [Anonymous]

So, what do you think these quotes have in common?

What they have in common is that they're all someone's else's idea of success.

The quotes above are neat, pithy, catching and the like. However, often they don't work because they don't personalize "success". Striving to experience "success" by mimicking someone's else's dream is something that is quickly derailed by the reality of daily life.

In my experience, one of the most important things you need to put you on the path to success is reflection - a deep contemplation which many cannot or will not undertake. Without it, many experience life as a frustrating round of indecision and dis-harmony. With no alignment between what they say, feel, think and do when it comes to "success," it remains a notion that lives in a small molecule in their brain.

Of course, some people define success simply in terms of "results." But getting results without discovering something about one's self in the process often leads to an unhappy and ultimately unsuccessful life.

Why? Because "doing" in and of itself, without being, is not a solid formula for success. The Bernie Ebbers of Enron, or the Bernie Madoffs of the hedge fund and banking world are testimonials to this type of "success".

Many people achieve results without experiencing any personal growth and then wonder why they don't feel better or more fulfilled . They still don't experience good health, energy or enthusiasm for life, fulfilling relationships, creative freedom, emotional stability, a sense of well-being or peace of mind.

This idea of success can be quickly obliterated just as if it was written in the sand - wiped out in a moment by a wave (of uncertainty), a hurricane, health issue, job loss, divorce, accident, old age or a bank failure.

Or can it? It depends.

For some folks, success can disappear in an instant. For others, success can endure, regardless of the circumstances. That's because true success comes with discerning its true and real meaning.

So, there's "success" and there's "success." Are the rich successful? What about the starving artist? The person in the corner office on the 52nd floor? The person in the mail room in the basement? You? Me?

Being successful requires a conscious exploration of what success means to you. It means creating your own quote, not using somebody else's. Until and unless you take the time to define success for yourself, there's a good chance someone else is defining success for you. And that's usually a self-limiting and self-defeating experience.

So, if you lack you own success quotation, perhaps today is the ideal time to begin to create your own.

"The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year." - John Foster Dulles

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